a pumpkin's creed

every year i try to evaluate my personal growth. growth in terms of career, goal achievements, family closeness, friends, and my relationship with my first love. all in all, i think i did good in all aspects except for one: my relationship with my first love. i flunked it so bad that i feel everything i've acheived the past year were all in vain. i ignored this for the longest time.i know something is wrong, but i couldn't stop. i know we're drifting apart, but i couldn't manage to hold on. every promise i made...broken. every thoughts i have...lacks of him. i feel hurt every time someone mistreats him, but that made me realize how much he must've been hurt when i missed the chance to give him some of my "precious" time. i couldn't remember when was our last conversation or when was the last time i cried on his shoulder. i missed waking up at dawn to find him there ready to listen to my fears, my worries, my silliness. he has been my one true happiness, and yet im letting it slip away. one thing im so thankful about is that: he won't let me. he won't allow it. even though, i hurt him, he's always been there to see me, protect me, remind me when im going way overboard, and most of all, to love me. without him,i feel miserable. without his love, i am not capable of being loved or loving in return. he completes me. he gave me back my life. so, this year, i hope i make it up to him by putting him first in everything. i love you so much. if ever i forget, i know you'll remind me because even if i'd become a brute beast, you'll still hold my hand and remind me that i am yours... for that im thankful. im looking forward to this year ... i know whatever trials i have to go through, i could surpass it...only because im with you.

6750 oscar's night! So not the drama!

the night before the party.....
call time for floor directors --in other words, usher and usherettes-- 3pm. check! the dress --check! shoes --i think i saw a perfect pair in the rack. no big! purse --i know my mom has a cute black one...so, check! hair stylist --got it covered! no worries! umkays, so all i need to worry about now is getting enough sleep. yawn! yawn!

lotsa hours before call time....
Woke up around 7am --tryin to get enough "beauty sleep". i was like, "no worries! i got everything under control! nothing could EVER go wrong." so i slumbered for a couple more hours.

few hours before call time.....
i woke up around 11am. no worries yet. i have things under control, everythings going the way i planned. took a bath. tried on the dress. perfect! now to try on the shoes...omigosh! nasan na? it's not on the rack! arrgghh! owkie..calm down. lalabas din yan mamaya. i'll just get the purse! anakng!!!! nawawala din! man, why now?! owkie...breathe in, breathe out! no need to get tense. ok, recall. when was the last time nga na i saw the shoes and purse....hmmm....i couldn't remember. must've been a verrryyy long time. kya pla nawawala na eh. k lang yan! keri lang, grace under pressure. desperate times, call for desperate measures...call a friend. so i texted one of my girls and borrowed hers. the prob is: her feet are two sizes bigger than mine and a 5-inch stilleto. pero,k lang. keri p din. grace under pressure.

two hours left...
stuck in traffic along edsa. off to michelle's house to get my hair done. no worries.

an hour and a half...
still stuck in traffic. where on earth is washington street?!

just an hour left...
whew! found it! at last! at least i know my hair is going to be handled by a genius. no worries. when we were about to park, i noticed an old, fat man smoking a cigarette, standing behind an old worn-out meralco post, observing a rejoicing crowd from a distance who seems to be having a party of their own. i thought, "kawawa naman. i wish him happiness."To my surprise, when my friend introduced the "genius-stylist", i almost fell from my seat. it was him -- the sad-looking, fat-bellied, old man. all of a sudden, human nature is taking hold of me. i thought how on earth can he fix my hair, if he can't even fix himself. itsh just not right?! his hair looks like it was blow-dried by a gazillion tornadoes and was styled by a blind drunk hairy howler monkey! brutal, but true. anyways, i'm late! and i have no other options. so hesitantly, i gave him a chance. maybe, he's actually a great stylist. looks can be deceiving at times. ok. whew! here goes...i told him my ideas about the hairstyle i want. braided on both sides, ending up in a bun. parang pang-Greek goddess style. he tried to do it at first, but it ended up horribly. instead of cracking skulls, i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. maybe, it's just not his forte. no worries. so i asked him, do you have any ideas in mind? i was disappointed by his so-called "brilliant" ideas because even a clumsy 5-year old can do it. but, what the heck! im late! there are no other options when you're late.

at the soiree...
everyones looking great! i envied other people's hairstyle because some were adorned with flowers, and some were curled giving them a sexy look. itsh not right! anyways, i looked deeply in the mirror and repeated this to myself, "maganda ako! there's no freakin way that crazy "stylist" can ruin my night!" it's a good thing roy was there with me for a confidence boost. all in all, i think everything went well. michi looked great with her "imeldific" look, oyen -- elegant and beautiful, joy --sexy with curls, faye --cute and chic, ate clarice --pretty in pink, and toni -- star of the night award! whoohooo! inuman na......ng kape sa starbucks! hehe! everyone was happy,except for my feet. the shoes i wore murdered 'em. but heck, who's complaining. i had a great time with my friends.


bottom line is: no crazy, gender-confused, freak "stylist" wannabe can ruin your night, if you're having a great time with your friends. 'coz in the end, it's not what you wore that matters, or the shoes, or even how you're hair was styled -- it's the memories you made while having a freakin' great time with your girls! rock on soul sistahs! lotsa love! im outta here!

Missing you... :(

Miss - To discover the absence or loss of; to feel the lack or loss of

we had a 4-day off. normally, im ecstatic about having time offs; but this time, it's different. i miss my work soooo badly. i miss everything about it. the early wakes at dawn. the free coffee. the wacky but adorable trainers. my fellow trainees. everything. i can't wait to get back. man, i hope this goes on for a long time. this is the first time i felt strongly about something i usually take for granted.

Bliss Out!

Bliss Out means to go into a state of ecstasy! Booyah!!!

Haha! can't help it! you won't either if you're in my shoes!
remember the work im telling y'all about. well, i started training for them last monday and man was it easy as pie. no more gruelling stressful hours for me. from now on, im cruising on easy street baby. haha! im not being cocky or anything, just being honest. my previous job experience was so nerve-racking that i ended up being confined in a hospital. no grudges though. i learned lots from them. anyways, my current work is so cool because everything is so unconventional. like in our training, we watched, fil-am comedian, rex navarete's sbc packers and maritess toons to help us with our grammar and proper use of terms. we also watched "crash" (btw, it's a great movie and i strongly suggest you watch it.) to learn more about the american culture. everything's so laid-back and packed with so much fun! even the lectures are presented in a cool fascinating way. the best part is the people im working with. everyone's very reachable, including the head-honchos. we call everyone by their first names. no ma'ams or sirs allowed, just names. my fellow trainees aren't bad either. so building friendships isn't hard to do.

all in all, bottom line is: this job rocks! and i love it!

A bum no more! :D

i got it! i got the job! goodbye world of unemployment and hellooo world of overtime night pay differentials! hahaha! at exactly 4am tomorrow, my life will do a complete turnover. no more hibernating til i grow hairs in my chiny-chin-chin. no more marathons of hopeless romantic, feel-good films. no more contemplations on how to get my vaan character enough license points to make him learn how to wear a hat or handle a hammer (this is the new feature in final fantasy 12 to ya'll gamers out der). no more blank gazin' and pumpkin reignin'. haha!
i'll definitely miss those days...so, is it worth it...?

Booyah! you bet it is! now is the time for something new. this is my first time to venture the wonderful and very rewarding world of telemarketing. haha! know what i mean?! wink*wink
( why do i hear cash registers ringing? :P ) it's time for a different challenge! to keep the blood in my veins running again! i need this to get my life back! i couldn't have done it without JC's grace though. i am nothing without him. mighty thank you to you sir! i couldn't have done it without you!

it's mind-boggling how one opportunity makes you want to dream again. makes you feel ur not a loser after all. a diamond in the rough. Just last week, i feel so downcasted. so defeated. my spirit was so down in the dumps that i even thought of delaying my exam this december. i felt butterflies in my stomach everytime i think about it. my anxiety level is slowly moving from mild, moderate, severe, and...PANIC! i "fueled" my thoughts by thinking: hey, i don't need this pressure. i better shun away. i got a one-year deadline to accomplish this exam anyways, so why toxicate myself right? i cancelled my VEP processing and decided to put an end to this misery.

Yet, something inside me is telling me to push through with it. something in me is churning and turning. askin me to pursue it. ever get that feeling? weird. hard to explain. but it happens. i chewed on it for a while... chewed some more... more...lots more. until it finally dawned on me. i work best under pressure. it brings out the best in me. my weakest points are my strongest points. i supplicated for it. then, called my travel agent and gave her the go signal for my VEP. i know i could conquer this with your help and support. pls include me in your prayers. i need it ever so badly. btw, my exam is on dec29. thanks ya'll! lotsa love!

btw, if you know a place in makati that's affordable and safe, please let me know. thanks! i'd appreciate it!

Just another day...

everything today is so low-key. i just stayed at home. watched the tube a little. cleaned my room a bit. fired up the old ps2 for a while. stuffed my piggy little face with who knows what. in other words, if you get my drift, im a professional bum...as of now. hehe! i have no excuse for not having a job other than im not good at prioritizing. this may be hard to believe but i have a lot of things going on in my mind right now. work. career (i have an upcoming exam that'll beat the beeswax out of me soon). play. lovelife. but not so much about the last part. haha!

i've had my share of relationships in the past and it all didn't work out the way i wanted it to. anyways, i ain't bitter about it no more. learn and let go! that's one thing i mastered early in the game. hard. damn hard. its all part of the sick icky twisted feeling of loving and... being hurt in return. haha! kidding! just like what i've said, i ain't bitter no more. it's my fault really. i fall in "love" easily. i fall for every guy trying to find mr. right. yeah right?! the last guy used to be one of my friends. closest? not anymore. he totally knows about my past relationships and yet does the same thing. he made me believe that he and his girl broke up for the weirdest reasons which i now think is all made-up. D-U-H?! of course, it is! anyways, i believed his damn lie until i caught up with his little tricks. aarrgh! i hate this guy so much! sorry for the outburst... suppressed anger. pls understand. (breathe in, breathe out) whew! i found out that he and his girl are still a couple. and, not only that, he said that i "misconstrued" the whole idea of his actions. wwhhaatt?! better come clean man. don't blame your bad on me ayt. be a man and stand up for your actions. anyways, he calls up and asks me to rethink the whole situation because our friendship is on the line. what friendship?! it already went down the drain when you lied to me. anyways, just like what i've said, i ain't bitter no more. just pissed... a little. im a whole lot better now.

whew! it's great to get that out of my system. haha! i always hated drama...because it always makes me sob. so far these are the string of events circling my world right now.

oh yeah! there's one more thing, i applied for a job in a telemarketing company. i was already interviewed last week. im still waiting for callbacks though. i hope everything turns out fine. this is it for now. the drama earlier really stressed me out. haha! stay fresh and stay clean everyone. later!